New update from Cameron
Courageous Mother, Wife and Survivor of #Mesothelioma
http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather/#.UZEuraJvNCo
After my wife was diagnosed with mesothelioma, she said many times she cannot even begin to fathom how I dealt with it. I have only spoken to her once about what it was like caring for her during this heartbreaking time. I am hoping this will make my experience more understandable to both her, and the countless other families who are experiences similar tough times.
My wife was diagnosed only three months after our only child, Lily, was born. It was very difficult going from a time of complete love, joy and happiness to a world of fear, sadness and despair. When we were given this horrifying news my wife sat crying as I kept thinking to myself "What are we going to do?"
I felt so lost and incapable of dealing with this news. I was on the verge of breaking down when the doctor started talking to us about treatment. Like many other days during this time, we would be forced to make difficult decisions while at the same time my heart and mind were wracked with fear.
When my wife was diagnosed I was angry, very angry. I was filled with so much rage and fear that it was very hard to control my feelings. At times, my anger came out in bursts of profanity when speaking to others. It all seemed so unfair. As time went on, I realized how selfish I was being. My wife and daughter needed me, and the last thing they needed was to see how scared I truly was. I managed to control my rage better and remain strong for my wife and daughter.
During this time, I felt so overwhelmed with all of the new responsibilities which suddenly fell on me. I had to work, take care of my wife and daughter, our home, our pets and do nearly everything that once was a shared chore. I was happy to do this, but I quickly became overwhelmed with the sheer amount of tasks on my to-do list. I learned that I needed to prioritize and create a routine. I also needed to seek out the help of others. Thankfully, we did have many family members and friends that offered to help us out when we needed them most. I cannot imagine what we would've done without them.
During one period of time, life was particularly difficult. My wife, Heather, had to have surgery in Boston and then went to South Dakota to stay with her parents to recover and get ready for her next round of mesotheliomia treatment. Lily had already been staying there during Heather’s treatment, which left me alone at home to focus on working to support my family. Because of the distance between us, I was only to see my wife and daughter on one occasion during the whole two-month period.
On a Friday evening, after getting off from work, I began the 11-hour drive to go see my family. The trip was long and hard because a snowstorm had blown in. I slept a few hours in the car, waiting for the plows to come through and clear the roads before I could continue on my way. I arrived on Saturday morning, exhausted but so excited to see my wife and daughter. I spent a handful of precious hours with them on Saturday and Sunday morning, before packing up and heading back home to be at work on Monday morning.
It was hard being separated, but we honestly had no other option. Lily had to be taken care of, Heather had to have treatment and I had to work. It worked for us and I do not regret this decision in the least. This is probably the most important lesson that I have learned as my wife’s caregiver: we cannot regret any of the tough decisions that cancer forces us to make. Instead, we need to take comfort and rejoice in the fact that we retain the ability to make decisions at all. It gave us a small amount of control over a situation which, all too often, felt completely out of our control.
Six years later, my wife is healthy once again. This was a struggle we would never wish on anyone, but we did learn from it. We learned to accept help from those who offer it and to have faith in ourselves and our ability to get through difficult times together.
Read Cameron's Blog Here:
PS, Thank you to Cameron for this information, xxx jenny
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